Updated: Sep 11, 2018
There's no getting around it, depression is an insidious thing and being currently caught in the middle of it, I thought about the things I hate the most about depression.
1. You automatically feel more depressed because you powerless against it. Like the very essence of the illness succeeds in making me feel worse.
2. You feel "lazy" - It is like having someone whispering in your ear 24/7 "just get up and do it". Depression often presents as being lazy which I can almost guarantee every person with depression has been told.
3.Time doesn't feel the same - For me endless hours either thinking about what I should be doing, or not even really thinking about anything at all can pass in the blink of an eye. At the same time the days and nights can feel like eternity.
4. Its really bloody hard to think about a time when you weren't depressed, to catch a positive thought process of a time where thinks were less difficult.
5. The Physical Side Effects - Feel permanently tired, like all the sleep in the world would never be enough, or sleeping to pass the time. Feel aches and pains far worse than normal.
6. Searching for a reason why I feel this bad - This is a common one for me because my mental health is present all the time. So when I have spells like this, they are often not brought on by anything at all, which makes it all the more frustrating to "fix" if you will. Looking for answers where there is none can be a dangerous road ahead.
7. The old classic " I'm ok" line - If i had a dollar for every time I fudged a "yeah good how are you" Id be loaded. You often feel the person doesn't really want to know, its just a gesture. And sometimes Id like to say " SUPER DEPRESSED!!". Societal norms dictate that when you have depression, its not something you can really just drop into conversation. Because inevitably the next response would be "oh why" and we both know I can't answer that.
8. You don't feel like "You" - This is of the more frustrating things for me, is that I don't feel in the drivers seat. Almost like being a passenger in my own brain. I can't explain it well, its just the feeling of not being "you" and knowing there is nothing you can do about it for now.
9. The smallest things seem like the biggest tasks in the world, its foggy and cloudy and again there is that ever present voice telling you you can't do it.
10. It just sucks - It really does suck. Anyone who has been through it knows exactly what I mean here. There are all the classics, "why me" ect. But lets just be honest, depression really sucks.